What's Your Thing?

Today we went into the big smoke of Hobart, I noticed there are Christmas decorations up. Not for the first time I have silently thanked God and my own common sense that we don't really 'get into' Christmas. This blog is not anti Christmas, or anti any celebration, this blog is about choosing what you get involved in and not getting drained by societal celebrations. If you want to have far, far less stress in your life than you need to stocktake what it is you celebrate. You need to have a clean out, just as you would your wardrobe or shed because you need to make room, have room to breathe.

What do you celebrate and how? Do you celebrate what is important to you?

Celebrating Halloween in Australia is a really new thing, and in Tasmania it is very, very new. I have never celebrated Halloween and don't intend to. I'm sure it is lots of fun and for some people a real highlight in their year. For me, it doesn't matter so I don't acknowledge it. I also don't really celebrate Christmas or Easter, I do however celebrate my birthday because that is important for me.

When I saw those decorations today I immediately felt drained and tired. They are a sign of something much more for many people, a marker of the extreme stress to come. Gift buying, long drives away and time away from home and endless organising of logistics for the big event. Maybe all this really gives you a buzz and you love it, good for you. However, maybe there are other celebrations you don't get a buzz out of, maybe there are other celebrations that drain you.

Think of your energy as money in a bank account and there is only so much. Do you spend your money willy nilly? Why not?, because you don't want to drain your account. You (wisely) want some there for when you need it, you don't want to feel the stress of being broke (if you can help it). Your energy is the same. You only have so much you know. It's precious.

Choose to spend your money wisely, your energy wisely.

What you need is... a little spot to sit.

Here is something you can do to make sure you get enough of an opportunity to trigger the relaxation response, it works every time, all the time. What you need to do is to create a little spot to sit, or in my case, about five little spots to sit.

The best place for this spot is somewhere you find peaceful and beautiful. So not a spot inside surrounded by jobs. My little spots to sit are all in our garden, because this is the most wonderful place in the world for me.

Your little spot to sit needs to be somewhere that you see and walk past on a regular basis. This is so that you see it often and it invites and reminds you to sit down.

Your little spot to sit needs to be comfortable, it needs to be a do nothing spot... so not your meditation spot. This little spot is for you to relax and enjoy doing nothing at all really. You need to be able to sit back with a cuppa tea.

Your little spot needs to be out of the way of the general traffic of other people. I sometimes sneak off to my little spot and at times I am there for up to an hour before I am found out! Sometimes I only get five minutes before our little daughter finds me.

This little spot to sit is where you will rejuvenate, where you will relax, where you can let your guard down, where you can daydream and drift off. You need this time, you need this spot for your mental health. This is YOUR special and sacred spot. Happy daydreaming.

An important key in defining a positive you

Being a more positive person, presenting a more positive outlook, thinking positive thoughts and being a positive influence on others is something, I think, everyone wants to be more of, have more of. The other day I remembered something I heard someone say in an interview on the radio. I’m not sure who it was, it was so long ago but it really stuck with me. It was this… rather than define yourself by what you don’t like, believe… define yourself in the positive light of what you do like, believe. Svadhyaya (self-study) is integral part of following a yogic life and defining yourself by what you do believe and like is a great exercise in self-study.

When I focussed upon how I defined what I believed and thought I found that very often I did not do so in a positive light. I began to watch what I shared on social media, how I reacted to what I heard on the radio and what I said to others in conversation. There was no mistaking the fact that quite often I was not defining myself positively by what I did believe in and was in fact defining myself by what I didn’t like or what was wrong rather than right.

I’m not suggesting that we ought to turn a blind eye to suffering in the world, I’m saying that it is far better to define who we are, what we believe in a positive light. Here is a simple example and it has to do with my choosing to be vegan. I could say ‘I’m vegan because I don’t like the way animals suffer’ or I could say, ‘I’m vegan because I feel healthier and I believe in compassion for all beings’. Can you feel that the later has a nice ring to it, it may even inspire the listener to think about being vegan themselves?

To but it simply, negativity is a turn off and it causes others to shut down. Why? Because it harks back to us all wanting more positivity in our lives, not more negativity. When we define ourselves in a positive light, choosing to identify with what we do believe in rather than what we don’t it actually lifts our frequency/energy because it is positive self-talk.

I’m finding it is a fun game, to watch myself and catch myself defining myself by the negative rather than the positive. It is surprising how often I do it too! I’m also noticing that I feel a more buoyant energy around me and life feels lighter and happier as I catch myself and change to a positive definition to replace the negative.

It’s easy to do. Choose to define yourself and how you see the world in a positive light with positive words, positive self-talk.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Book your private appointment with her here

The One Big Reason You Feel Overburdened

This morning I feel, really, really happy. I feel in balance, I feel at ease (soldier), I feel a great expanse of space in my mind, in my heart, in my body and in the space around me. I know why I feel like this, I also know why I don’t feel like this all the time. There are many little reasons (tired or such) for the days that I don’t feel like this and there is one big reason. I also know I am not alone in this, I’d bet that your one big reason is the same as my own. I’m writing this down, I’m sharing it with you because I want to remind not just me, I want to remind you also. I want to give you permission to get over this one big reason. I think we all need all the help we can get with this one.

It’s about being overburdened, it’s all about taking on too much, and it’s all about trying to get ahead. Yes, it’s all about trying to get ahead or is that… a head? At almost 42 years of age I know my motivators for overburdening myself because I know myself pretty well. I can, at times, take on too much because I have a good and generous heart and I want to help people, animals, the planet, even Angels. In fact, I’ll help just about anything and anyone. I will stop what I am doing to save a bee or a worm on the road. I can, at times, take on too much because I feel I need to, should do, have to because I am almost constantly looking to be productive/useful. I love the way I am, I love that I love to help and I love that I love being productive, that’s me! However, even these gorgeous qualities leave a nasty taste in my mouth when to them is added being focussed on the result because this is what causes the overburdened business.

Here’s how I have (am) fixing it so that I have far, far more days feeling as I do today. Because as they say ‘what do you expect, the world to change for your peace of mind? Change yourself.’

Being totally honest with myself (and with you now), totally honest, I realised that the reason I wanted to help someone/something, the reason I wanted to be productive was because I was focussed on the result. I would (and sometimes still do) add and add to my list of things to do and to be if I thought it was going to get me closer to my expected result. In your head, picture a small woman that is now bent over with the weight of the load she is carrying. She can hardly see the road that lays in front of her because she is carrying such a weight she can only manage to put one foot in front of the other and she can see only the road at her feet… not the sky, anymore. Poor thing.

The most powerful action I took to help me shake off my burdens was to stop being focussed on my expected result, and I instead enjoyed what I was doing just for the sake of it.

When the need to achieve a certain result is taken away you have all the time in the world, when you feel you have all the time in the world the burden is lifted. Suddenly there is no finish line you need to rush to. There is no push, the rush is gone.  First a feeling of deep relief rushes in and is followed by the feeling of relaxation.

“Rather than focussing on the finish line, my expected result, I am free to do the best I can. I am free to enjoy what I am doing, I am free to be present.”

When I realised this, truly realised this, a weight heavier than Mt Everest was lifted off my shoulders. The thought ‘I don’t need to worry about the result, all I need to do is my best (and enjoy) THIS moment, THIS action’ is perhaps one of the most powerful thoughts I have. I don’t need to do my best to get a certain result, I don’t need to do my best to impress someone else, I don’t need to do my best for any other reason other than to enjoy the doing, the action. That IS ALL,I realised, I need to do. I just need to do my best at enjoying myself as I live this moment focussed in the action of this moment alone.

This isn’t selfish, nor is it foolhardy, it’s honest and it’s real and it gives me/you energy rather than zapping it away from us. This way of thinking spells an end to the career of the dis-eased juggler of life! This way of thinking will have me/you doing a far, far better job of things I can assure you.  Rather than overburden yourself, rather than take on too much, rather than trying to get ahead try surrendering to the moment instead. Give enjoying the moment and what you are doing (regardless of what that is) a go. Trust in the moment, trust that even if you do let go a bit things will work out. Cease with the thought that you are the doer, that you are responsible for everything and all results. Hand that all over to God/Divine Mother/Life. 

When you let life flow through you by not overburdening yourself with the stress of results you will find life will flow through you freely. I’m sorry I can’t do this for you, I really am. You need to do this for yourself. You need to trust for yourself and you need to trust that your action in each moment when done with in an energy of surrender and for enjoyment will result in you feeling happy, open and free. What are you waiting for? Are you ready to let go of this one big reason for feeling overburdened?

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Life is a Construction Site

This morning I was watering the garden. I do this almost every morning and it is one of my favourite jobs. It’s a peaceful, gentle job. I talk to the frogs and the plants and when I want to really find some inspiration I lay down on my belly and look into the secret shaded world of pumpkins in their patch. They are looking so big and happy! Today however, this usually peaceful job was marred by a touch of anxiety and it was generated by yes, you guessed it, my mind. I saw all these things that were ‘messy’, so many little things that need to be finished off and quite a few very big things that need to be started. Quite suddenly I quite lost my sense of peace.

Thank goodness I am enough in my right mind to realise that it was my mind that was at fault here… not the still unbuilt glasshouse. Quick I thought, what can I do? Thinking, thinking at a fast pace I realised! Chant mantra and get cracking with it. Get your mind away from these thoughts Theresa.  I began to chant a lovely Hari Krishna mantra, on repeat. It doesn’t take long for a mantra to take effect and I began to feel peaceful again. Something was left though, it was a thought and it has stayed with me all day. I know this thought and I am so glad I had this experience this morning so that it has been at the forefront of mind today.

This thought puts things into perspective and the thought is this… life is a construction site. At all times, life is a construction site. Of course I can see endless jobs around me and when I think about my own being I see there are many things I can do for my inner wellbeing too. Pens out, blue ink… life is a construction site and there is nothing wrong with that.

You are living in the middle of a construction site. It will get dusty. It will have materials laying around in it, waiting to be used. It will at times be noisy. All work will at times come to a grinding halt thanks to the weather. That’s what happens on a construction site.

We can get very confused and rather than seeing life as a construction site we think it is a polished Rogers and Hammerstein musical. Not the rehearsals, the end product where everyone has paid for a ticket because they know the show will be pretty much perfect.

This is what makes life hard. Thinking it is a polished Rogers and Hammerstein musical when in fact, it is a construction site. Nobody has a Rogers and Hammerstein polished musical situation around them other than God Realised Yogis/Masters. From an individual’s perspective it seems that everyone else has a polished Rogers and Hammerstein life and that their life is the only one that is a construction site.

If you ask the most beautiful, the wealthiest, the most intelligent (etc) person if they feel their life is utterly polished they will answer no. The fault in our thinking is that ‘peace’ is just over there, ‘time’ is just over there, ‘happiness’ is just over there… this is a battle and it cannot be won. It only and always leads in disillusion. So, what can we do?

Realise that life is a construction site that you are working on. There is no deadline on this work site. Enjoy the jobs you are doing, take your time, do your best rather than the most you can do. Above all else, keep in touch, keep the connection with peace in your heart. Do not worry about the construction around you, keep a connection with the peace in your heart instead.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

How long do I need to Meditate for each day?

Meditation has been a part of my sadhana (spiritual) practices for many, many years now and I am still learning about the art of meditation and me. The relationship between the two us, the relating between the two of us, the relation between myself and meditation. It is important to remember this, that the art of meditation is something that becomes real and becomes valid and important when it is related to from a personal level rather than something generic that can be applied be everyone in the same way. Because if you do that, it won’t work. If you have trouble with meditation practise, if you resist it because it seems ‘too hard’ if you feel that no matter how long, how many years you search for positive results from your practise they just don’t seem to be there… you’ll find what I am about to share with you useful.

I can’t remember when I personally began to meditate. How could I possibly know that? Was I a child walking through the bush looking at ants? Was I much older sitting in a room being guided by a teacher? I am often asked… when did you actively begin your sadhana? The answer is, I don’t know. Meditation and the performing of sadhana, for me, is in much more a state of flux than that, there are no, in my experience, any delineation lines.

For those people who know when they made up their mind to choose to make meditation a part of their life, and for those of us who just seemed to drift into it all how long to meditate each day and when to meditate is often a question we ask.

How long do I need to do asana, how long do I need to meditate, how long do I need to perform pranayama for in order to see some positive results? The answer is not clear cut, there are many answers. There are also more questions… what type of meditation suits you best? What is your dosha, what is your age, what environment do you live in, how experienced with meditation are you?

When most of us think of meditation we think of sitting down quietly and turning our focus inwards. We think of candles and mandalas and yoga asana. Yes, this is one method of meditation though it does not suit everyone, just as one type of church does not suit everyone. Some people like cathedrals and others an ancient rainforest. 

We can move into a meditative state whilst sitting in lotus position on a beautiful rug in a special spot for such things, we can also move into the same state whilst walking or drawing or dancing or cooking or cleaning or gardening.

What activity assists you most to move into a meditative state? Today I was talking with someone who is a massage therapist and for them it is when they massage someone.

Before we can enter into a deeper meditative stage we need to be able to still the mind, to sit still, to turn what Yogananda called the sense telephones, inwardly. For some people this is very difficult because they simply cannot calm their mind. Why force things? Why not go with the flow?

So the answer to the question ‘how long do I need to meditate for each day?’ is… enough to be able to find and feel peace within and more and more time the deeper you wish you go. Begin by choosing an activity that naturally brings you to that state as quickly as possible and go from there.

If going for a ten minute walk each day brings you there, start there. If playing an instrument for ten minutes brings you there, start there. Do not fight the mind, because it will fight back. Spend time each day doing something that disengages your mind. Do not worry about time limits… start with spending some time doing something that disengages your mind and go from there.

Commit to regular practise of disengaging the mind rather than setting strict time limits for yourself. Regular practise will train the mind and eventually it will become more peaceful, as will all aspects of your life.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Santa and Satya - what's truth got to do with it?

Santa and Satya

It’s an argument that all would agree has two sides, not only that, both sides have some very good points. Do you or don’t go along with the Santa fantasy? Is it damaging to lie to children, what happens when they find out, does a lie that honours the image and persona of a more traditional Santa (as pictured above) make it alright? I don’t know. What I do know about is Satya and that according to Yogic tradition and that great Sage Patangali it is important if we want to rise above our ego and become one with our Higher Self/Divine Mother that we embrace Satya.

Satya is the Sanskrit word for truth. It is one of the five Yamas (in Yoga), things not to do or to restrain yourself from and it means restraint from falsehood and the distorting of one’s reality in word, deed and even thought. Simply put, it means to be honest. Honest in thought and deed, also to be honest with one’s self. We seem to have the habit of moving the goal posts where honesty is concerned. It’s alright to be dishonest in one situation and not for another. When it boils down to it though, honesty is honesty.

We have a one year old daughter, she is too young to believe or disbelieve in Santa though when she is old enough to understand we will not be going along with the Santa hoax. Not because we are Christmas bar-humbugs but because we do not lie. Some people say that the Santa lie is not a bad lie as it is ‘for a good reason’, it makes children happy and brings magic into their lives, it is something to look forward to and well it is simply a beautiful part of childhood. This all may be so, but it does not change the Satya element. Let’s put lying to a child on hold for a minute and look at the consequences of telling a lie, the consequences for the liar.

Every word is a mantra, every word carries a vibration, as does every colour, every thought, every thing and these words have a resounding effect upon the water that we are predominantly made of. If you’d like to learn more about this, and the work of Masaru Emoto click here.

To speak words that are dishonest lowers one’s energy frequency because a lie is of a heavy energy. Loving words, honest words and joyful words and thoughts higher one’s energy frequency because they are light, and bright. Dis-ease of all types manifests in lower energy frequencies. Have you ever felt sick when you are full of joy and feeling happy? I notice that I only feel sick and/or upset when I am not feeling joyful. Health and happiness go hand in hand.

As adults, as parents we are teachers for children. What we teach and how we teach is mostly up to us. If I were to tell lies to our daughter, even if I preface them with ‘it’s for a good reason’ what am I teaching her?

I want her to have energy of the highest vibration possible. I want her to resonate truth and joy and I want her to be healthy and happy. To be so she needs to hear and speak the truth and for that to happen I embrace Satya.

Does Satya mean we go about telling the ‘truth’ as we see it whenever and wherever we see fit? No. This goes against Ahimsa, non-violence, not to injure. We tell the truth as we can when/where it will not cause hurt. When we tell a lie, the Santa lie, we start a ball rolling, a pretence we need to keep up.

Santa and Satya, consider the two together and see what you come up with.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Too fussy, too busy...

Fussiness, discretion and the busyness culture go hand in hand. They are the three sides of a triangle where no matter what way you turn it a pointy end is reached. The culture of busyness, which I feel is a dominant culture in developed societies is a topic of great interest to me. Whether it be work, or play or the seemingly never ending quest for self-betterment, the culture of busyness can often be found hard at work. I have come to the conclusion that it is fussiness that is a main driver in the personal goals we are trying to meet when immersed in a culture of busyness. Similarly, it is the showing of too much discretion that works alongside fussiness. Here is a real life example.

I love people who are good at feeding you. My nana was an expert, my mother is also. I have a few friends who could teach almost anyone a lesson in how to generously feed. I hope I am a bit the same. These people are the people who offer you lunch, or morning tea and find great pleasure in sharing food and in doing so warm the cockles of heart's in their home. Visitors and residents alike.

My nana was the first person to cut you a piece of homemade pineapple pie if it were not a main meal time and the first person to set you a plate at the table (set anyone a plate at the table) if it were a main meal time. She was not a wealthy person by a long shot, but she was generous with what she had. Could fussiness and the culture of busyness be killing off such shows of generosity? I won't eat that, I won't do that, I don't have time and on the list goes. In my nana's day you gave graciously and you accepted graciously. That was that. I like it.

We can show too much discretion, it's called fussiness and it is stifling. Being proactive is important and too much of it is called busyness and it wears us out.

Have you read the Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet? In it, Rabbit is always placing a sign on his door and it reads 'busy, busy back soon' he is referred to as a backson. Always busy, busy back soon. A busy backson.

What drives the backson to be busy all the time is a lack of acceptance, a lack of grace. Ever searching for something else, something more perfect keeps one very busy indeed. I doubt that anyone who lives with a fairly good degree of grace and acceptance would be a busy backson.

Whilst the goal we have in mind may seem worthwhile, how are we living on a day to day basis to reach that goal? Are we being fussy, are we too focussed on our goals that we have a sign perpetually on a door that says we are busy and will be back soon?

To life a life of mindfulness and peace, we need to balance discretion with grace and acceptance. To live a life that is happy and healthy we need to balance activity with inactivity. We need goals, it's solar plexus stuff and it's important for our overall wellbeing and health but goals that are rigidly adhered to can leave us exhausted. There needs to be flux too.

A good compost heap works well because of it's as anaerobic activity, a good digestive system for the same reason. There must be space. That is what the asana (postures) in yoga are all about, creating space.

Eat to 80% capacity, turn your compost heap to bring in air, stick to your goals and ethics and allow for a little bit of give too. Live graciously and generously in the acts of both giving and receiving. Life is not meant to be so serious and hard... now, how does this wonderful song go?

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Remembering Inner Sunshine

For the first time in I don't know how long I have a cold. Thanks to baby group I think. Anyway... I sat down to write and I thought quite the poignant topic is remembering inner sunshine cold or no cold. In fact, I think two of the best things about having this cold are #1 I have read so much of my book and #2 I have stayed connected to my inner sunshine.

When we are unwell, or have more quiet time on our hands or are waiting patiently for something it is a wonderful opportunity to remember our inner sunshine.

Our inner sunshine lives within us, it lives, actually, in our hearts. You can feel it there. When you feel happy or excited you can feel it flutter, or it's warmth. When we are feeling unwell, or stressed or lost or any number of things we can be forgiven for thinking that it has gone out, our inner sunshine. Though it has not, it is still there. It never, ever goes out as long as we are alive.

We can be distracted by physical aches or pains or the pains of others. We can be distracted by the woes of the world, we can be distracted by our jobs list or negative thinking... but it is still there and all we need to do is to tap into it. How do we do that?

There are a few ways, what I do is simply feel it. I can feel it glowing in the centre of my chest and tap into that and feel it. If you are a meditator (in some way) you will also find this easy to do. If you are not, you will need to close your eyes and place your hands on the centre of your chest. Feel the warmth in your hands and then feel deeper. It may take a few times for you to feel your inner sunshine, though you will. Maybe you see it?

Our inner sunshine is powerful stuff! This power is not to be underestimated. Tapping into your inner sunshine is tapping into your eternal smile, your heart, your love. Doing so is deeply healing, cathartic and will lift your spirits no end.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Joy comes before love

We are encouraged to be more loving, and to be so will help us to feel happy in/with life. 'Be grateful, be loving, be thankful, be kind this is the way to happiness', but is it? In a chicken and egg scenario, joy actually comes before love.

Unrequited love is a great example of this, we love something or someone and yet if it/they do not love us back. We continue on with our admiration and efforts and whilst the feeling of love may still be there we lose energy, interest and finally effort... next comes a broken heart. For such short periods of time we may have felt happy during the interlude and this feeling of happiness can end up becoming feelings of sadness expressed in many ways; depression, stress, anxiety, worry, anger, tiredness to name a few.

What would happen if rather than seeking love we sought joy? This is something I have been working on, seeking joy directly whilst also becoming aware of causes distress (the opposite) of joy in my life and within myself.

I have found that when I seek to experience joy, I experience happiness and a love for life. Joy is such a light feeling and it lifts you up. When I am filled with joy I want to be generous and kind and understanding and this is loving. So by seeking joy, my heart fills with love.

A joyful love is light and all that it touches is uplifted, including our thoughts and actions. Love however, is not necessarily light and it sometimes fosters light heartedness but not all the time. Joy always fosters light heartedness and light heartedness always brings forth a loving feeling towards life.

We can feel love and yet still feel stress or anxiety or tiredness or stress... but when we feel joy we cannot feel anything but happiness.

Seek joy directly in your life and feelings of love and happiness will follow.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor