An important key in defining a positive you

Being a more positive person, presenting a more positive outlook, thinking positive thoughts and being a positive influence on others is something, I think, everyone wants to be more of, have more of. The other day I remembered something I heard someone say in an interview on the radio. I’m not sure who it was, it was so long ago but it really stuck with me. It was this… rather than define yourself by what you don’t like, believe… define yourself in the positive light of what you do like, believe. Svadhyaya (self-study) is integral part of following a yogic life and defining yourself by what you do believe and like is a great exercise in self-study.

When I focussed upon how I defined what I believed and thought I found that very often I did not do so in a positive light. I began to watch what I shared on social media, how I reacted to what I heard on the radio and what I said to others in conversation. There was no mistaking the fact that quite often I was not defining myself positively by what I did believe in and was in fact defining myself by what I didn’t like or what was wrong rather than right.

I’m not suggesting that we ought to turn a blind eye to suffering in the world, I’m saying that it is far better to define who we are, what we believe in a positive light. Here is a simple example and it has to do with my choosing to be vegan. I could say ‘I’m vegan because I don’t like the way animals suffer’ or I could say, ‘I’m vegan because I feel healthier and I believe in compassion for all beings’. Can you feel that the later has a nice ring to it, it may even inspire the listener to think about being vegan themselves?

To but it simply, negativity is a turn off and it causes others to shut down. Why? Because it harks back to us all wanting more positivity in our lives, not more negativity. When we define ourselves in a positive light, choosing to identify with what we do believe in rather than what we don’t it actually lifts our frequency/energy because it is positive self-talk.

I’m finding it is a fun game, to watch myself and catch myself defining myself by the negative rather than the positive. It is surprising how often I do it too! I’m also noticing that I feel a more buoyant energy around me and life feels lighter and happier as I catch myself and change to a positive definition to replace the negative.

It’s easy to do. Choose to define yourself and how you see the world in a positive light with positive words, positive self-talk.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

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How long do I need to Meditate for each day?

Meditation has been a part of my sadhana (spiritual) practices for many, many years now and I am still learning about the art of meditation and me. The relationship between the two us, the relating between the two of us, the relation between myself and meditation. It is important to remember this, that the art of meditation is something that becomes real and becomes valid and important when it is related to from a personal level rather than something generic that can be applied be everyone in the same way. Because if you do that, it won’t work. If you have trouble with meditation practise, if you resist it because it seems ‘too hard’ if you feel that no matter how long, how many years you search for positive results from your practise they just don’t seem to be there… you’ll find what I am about to share with you useful.

I can’t remember when I personally began to meditate. How could I possibly know that? Was I a child walking through the bush looking at ants? Was I much older sitting in a room being guided by a teacher? I am often asked… when did you actively begin your sadhana? The answer is, I don’t know. Meditation and the performing of sadhana, for me, is in much more a state of flux than that, there are no, in my experience, any delineation lines.

For those people who know when they made up their mind to choose to make meditation a part of their life, and for those of us who just seemed to drift into it all how long to meditate each day and when to meditate is often a question we ask.

How long do I need to do asana, how long do I need to meditate, how long do I need to perform pranayama for in order to see some positive results? The answer is not clear cut, there are many answers. There are also more questions… what type of meditation suits you best? What is your dosha, what is your age, what environment do you live in, how experienced with meditation are you?

When most of us think of meditation we think of sitting down quietly and turning our focus inwards. We think of candles and mandalas and yoga asana. Yes, this is one method of meditation though it does not suit everyone, just as one type of church does not suit everyone. Some people like cathedrals and others an ancient rainforest. 

We can move into a meditative state whilst sitting in lotus position on a beautiful rug in a special spot for such things, we can also move into the same state whilst walking or drawing or dancing or cooking or cleaning or gardening.

What activity assists you most to move into a meditative state? Today I was talking with someone who is a massage therapist and for them it is when they massage someone.

Before we can enter into a deeper meditative stage we need to be able to still the mind, to sit still, to turn what Yogananda called the sense telephones, inwardly. For some people this is very difficult because they simply cannot calm their mind. Why force things? Why not go with the flow?

So the answer to the question ‘how long do I need to meditate for each day?’ is… enough to be able to find and feel peace within and more and more time the deeper you wish you go. Begin by choosing an activity that naturally brings you to that state as quickly as possible and go from there.

If going for a ten minute walk each day brings you there, start there. If playing an instrument for ten minutes brings you there, start there. Do not fight the mind, because it will fight back. Spend time each day doing something that disengages your mind. Do not worry about time limits… start with spending some time doing something that disengages your mind and go from there.

Commit to regular practise of disengaging the mind rather than setting strict time limits for yourself. Regular practise will train the mind and eventually it will become more peaceful, as will all aspects of your life.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Santa and Satya - what's truth got to do with it?

Santa and Satya

It’s an argument that all would agree has two sides, not only that, both sides have some very good points. Do you or don’t go along with the Santa fantasy? Is it damaging to lie to children, what happens when they find out, does a lie that honours the image and persona of a more traditional Santa (as pictured above) make it alright? I don’t know. What I do know about is Satya and that according to Yogic tradition and that great Sage Patangali it is important if we want to rise above our ego and become one with our Higher Self/Divine Mother that we embrace Satya.

Satya is the Sanskrit word for truth. It is one of the five Yamas (in Yoga), things not to do or to restrain yourself from and it means restraint from falsehood and the distorting of one’s reality in word, deed and even thought. Simply put, it means to be honest. Honest in thought and deed, also to be honest with one’s self. We seem to have the habit of moving the goal posts where honesty is concerned. It’s alright to be dishonest in one situation and not for another. When it boils down to it though, honesty is honesty.

We have a one year old daughter, she is too young to believe or disbelieve in Santa though when she is old enough to understand we will not be going along with the Santa hoax. Not because we are Christmas bar-humbugs but because we do not lie. Some people say that the Santa lie is not a bad lie as it is ‘for a good reason’, it makes children happy and brings magic into their lives, it is something to look forward to and well it is simply a beautiful part of childhood. This all may be so, but it does not change the Satya element. Let’s put lying to a child on hold for a minute and look at the consequences of telling a lie, the consequences for the liar.

Every word is a mantra, every word carries a vibration, as does every colour, every thought, every thing and these words have a resounding effect upon the water that we are predominantly made of. If you’d like to learn more about this, and the work of Masaru Emoto click here.

To speak words that are dishonest lowers one’s energy frequency because a lie is of a heavy energy. Loving words, honest words and joyful words and thoughts higher one’s energy frequency because they are light, and bright. Dis-ease of all types manifests in lower energy frequencies. Have you ever felt sick when you are full of joy and feeling happy? I notice that I only feel sick and/or upset when I am not feeling joyful. Health and happiness go hand in hand.

As adults, as parents we are teachers for children. What we teach and how we teach is mostly up to us. If I were to tell lies to our daughter, even if I preface them with ‘it’s for a good reason’ what am I teaching her?

I want her to have energy of the highest vibration possible. I want her to resonate truth and joy and I want her to be healthy and happy. To be so she needs to hear and speak the truth and for that to happen I embrace Satya.

Does Satya mean we go about telling the ‘truth’ as we see it whenever and wherever we see fit? No. This goes against Ahimsa, non-violence, not to injure. We tell the truth as we can when/where it will not cause hurt. When we tell a lie, the Santa lie, we start a ball rolling, a pretence we need to keep up.

Santa and Satya, consider the two together and see what you come up with.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Joy comes before love

We are encouraged to be more loving, and to be so will help us to feel happy in/with life. 'Be grateful, be loving, be thankful, be kind this is the way to happiness', but is it? In a chicken and egg scenario, joy actually comes before love.

Unrequited love is a great example of this, we love something or someone and yet if it/they do not love us back. We continue on with our admiration and efforts and whilst the feeling of love may still be there we lose energy, interest and finally effort... next comes a broken heart. For such short periods of time we may have felt happy during the interlude and this feeling of happiness can end up becoming feelings of sadness expressed in many ways; depression, stress, anxiety, worry, anger, tiredness to name a few.

What would happen if rather than seeking love we sought joy? This is something I have been working on, seeking joy directly whilst also becoming aware of causes distress (the opposite) of joy in my life and within myself.

I have found that when I seek to experience joy, I experience happiness and a love for life. Joy is such a light feeling and it lifts you up. When I am filled with joy I want to be generous and kind and understanding and this is loving. So by seeking joy, my heart fills with love.

A joyful love is light and all that it touches is uplifted, including our thoughts and actions. Love however, is not necessarily light and it sometimes fosters light heartedness but not all the time. Joy always fosters light heartedness and light heartedness always brings forth a loving feeling towards life.

We can feel love and yet still feel stress or anxiety or tiredness or stress... but when we feel joy we cannot feel anything but happiness.

Seek joy directly in your life and feelings of love and happiness will follow.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Falling in love with the life you have

Confession time. I have spent most of my life working hard to create a different life to what I have. Always looking outwards and coming up with what I need more or less of in my life so it could be a life that I would love. The perfect life for me. A life with more time for this or that, a life where I am always happy, a life full of joy because it is the perfect life. In this perfect life I am perfect. I have worked hard on myself to make it so and if life is not perfect than clearly it is my fault. I know now that this is a bit like a donkey trying to get a carrot that is hanging from a stick, just out of reach.

I'm not sure how it happened but I fell in love with the life I have and that is because I fell in love with who I am right now, RIGHT NOW. I have a suspicion that the course of flower essences I have been on have tipped things over the edge, as they do, and this is the shift that has happened. 

I have in fact been suffering from 'farmer's curse', that's what my neighbour calls it. You probably suffer from it to. Do you recognise these symptoms? Other people come to your garden and home and comment on how beautiful it all is and all you can see are all the jobs that need doing. Because once those jobs are done, THEN things will be beautiful. That may be the case,it also doesn't prevent you from loving what is, because you love yourself as you are RIGHT NOW.

That is how I have been (I hope) cured of farmer's curse. I see all those jobs (especially and including the jobs pertaining to my personal development) but they aren't so noisy, they are just there and they are a part of the life I live and am madly in love with. We hear it all the time, love what is, love your life. How can we do that though?

The secret (thanks flower essences) is to love the jobs too, to love the 'imperfections'. It means to no longer be bullied by 'how you can be better' and the jobs you need to do.

I look at all the things that are 'getting there' absolutely including aspects of my character and love them for where they are at, they are like a child growing, they are at a stage of growth and I don't need to hurry it all along. I attend to things with love and when I feel the joy of doing evaporate, I move on to the next thing.  Just like planting a seed, watering it and leaving it do its thing. Tending it when necessary, leaving it alone when necessary.

I have realised that the feeling of being in a rush is perhaps the most destructive thing (for my) peace of mind. I also realise that it is me (for the most part) that causes the rush. To be relaxed is most important. When we are relaxed our prana (life force energy can flow) and our body fills with ojas (bliss) and we are dis-ease free. I'm so tired of rushing myself, I'm not doing it anymore.

I think that maybe, just maybe I 'have it' this time because yesterday the baby went to sleep in the afternoon and I thought about writing and then I realised I needed to nap. So, I had a sleep instead.

When I woke, all the things I want to do were smiling at me and I felt so very madly in love with my life and myself. 

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor