Life is a Construction Site

This morning I was watering the garden. I do this almost every morning and it is one of my favourite jobs. It’s a peaceful, gentle job. I talk to the frogs and the plants and when I want to really find some inspiration I lay down on my belly and look into the secret shaded world of pumpkins in their patch. They are looking so big and happy! Today however, this usually peaceful job was marred by a touch of anxiety and it was generated by yes, you guessed it, my mind. I saw all these things that were ‘messy’, so many little things that need to be finished off and quite a few very big things that need to be started. Quite suddenly I quite lost my sense of peace.

Thank goodness I am enough in my right mind to realise that it was my mind that was at fault here… not the still unbuilt glasshouse. Quick I thought, what can I do? Thinking, thinking at a fast pace I realised! Chant mantra and get cracking with it. Get your mind away from these thoughts Theresa.  I began to chant a lovely Hari Krishna mantra, on repeat. It doesn’t take long for a mantra to take effect and I began to feel peaceful again. Something was left though, it was a thought and it has stayed with me all day. I know this thought and I am so glad I had this experience this morning so that it has been at the forefront of mind today.

This thought puts things into perspective and the thought is this… life is a construction site. At all times, life is a construction site. Of course I can see endless jobs around me and when I think about my own being I see there are many things I can do for my inner wellbeing too. Pens out, blue ink… life is a construction site and there is nothing wrong with that.

You are living in the middle of a construction site. It will get dusty. It will have materials laying around in it, waiting to be used. It will at times be noisy. All work will at times come to a grinding halt thanks to the weather. That’s what happens on a construction site.

We can get very confused and rather than seeing life as a construction site we think it is a polished Rogers and Hammerstein musical. Not the rehearsals, the end product where everyone has paid for a ticket because they know the show will be pretty much perfect.

This is what makes life hard. Thinking it is a polished Rogers and Hammerstein musical when in fact, it is a construction site. Nobody has a Rogers and Hammerstein polished musical situation around them other than God Realised Yogis/Masters. From an individual’s perspective it seems that everyone else has a polished Rogers and Hammerstein life and that their life is the only one that is a construction site.

If you ask the most beautiful, the wealthiest, the most intelligent (etc) person if they feel their life is utterly polished they will answer no. The fault in our thinking is that ‘peace’ is just over there, ‘time’ is just over there, ‘happiness’ is just over there… this is a battle and it cannot be won. It only and always leads in disillusion. So, what can we do?

Realise that life is a construction site that you are working on. There is no deadline on this work site. Enjoy the jobs you are doing, take your time, do your best rather than the most you can do. Above all else, keep in touch, keep the connection with peace in your heart. Do not worry about the construction around you, keep a connection with the peace in your heart instead.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

How long do I need to Meditate for each day?

Meditation has been a part of my sadhana (spiritual) practices for many, many years now and I am still learning about the art of meditation and me. The relationship between the two us, the relating between the two of us, the relation between myself and meditation. It is important to remember this, that the art of meditation is something that becomes real and becomes valid and important when it is related to from a personal level rather than something generic that can be applied be everyone in the same way. Because if you do that, it won’t work. If you have trouble with meditation practise, if you resist it because it seems ‘too hard’ if you feel that no matter how long, how many years you search for positive results from your practise they just don’t seem to be there… you’ll find what I am about to share with you useful.

I can’t remember when I personally began to meditate. How could I possibly know that? Was I a child walking through the bush looking at ants? Was I much older sitting in a room being guided by a teacher? I am often asked… when did you actively begin your sadhana? The answer is, I don’t know. Meditation and the performing of sadhana, for me, is in much more a state of flux than that, there are no, in my experience, any delineation lines.

For those people who know when they made up their mind to choose to make meditation a part of their life, and for those of us who just seemed to drift into it all how long to meditate each day and when to meditate is often a question we ask.

How long do I need to do asana, how long do I need to meditate, how long do I need to perform pranayama for in order to see some positive results? The answer is not clear cut, there are many answers. There are also more questions… what type of meditation suits you best? What is your dosha, what is your age, what environment do you live in, how experienced with meditation are you?

When most of us think of meditation we think of sitting down quietly and turning our focus inwards. We think of candles and mandalas and yoga asana. Yes, this is one method of meditation though it does not suit everyone, just as one type of church does not suit everyone. Some people like cathedrals and others an ancient rainforest. 

We can move into a meditative state whilst sitting in lotus position on a beautiful rug in a special spot for such things, we can also move into the same state whilst walking or drawing or dancing or cooking or cleaning or gardening.

What activity assists you most to move into a meditative state? Today I was talking with someone who is a massage therapist and for them it is when they massage someone.

Before we can enter into a deeper meditative stage we need to be able to still the mind, to sit still, to turn what Yogananda called the sense telephones, inwardly. For some people this is very difficult because they simply cannot calm their mind. Why force things? Why not go with the flow?

So the answer to the question ‘how long do I need to meditate for each day?’ is… enough to be able to find and feel peace within and more and more time the deeper you wish you go. Begin by choosing an activity that naturally brings you to that state as quickly as possible and go from there.

If going for a ten minute walk each day brings you there, start there. If playing an instrument for ten minutes brings you there, start there. Do not fight the mind, because it will fight back. Spend time each day doing something that disengages your mind. Do not worry about time limits… start with spending some time doing something that disengages your mind and go from there.

Commit to regular practise of disengaging the mind rather than setting strict time limits for yourself. Regular practise will train the mind and eventually it will become more peaceful, as will all aspects of your life.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Getting back to breathe

I rarely, rarely feel unwell. The past few weeks though, I have felt unwell. I couldn't work out what was causing the nausea and feeling of exhaustion. Nothing in my life has changed, that is, my diet is as always good, my friendships are good, my marriage is good, my baby is good, I am good. Milly the dog can be a bit of a handful though, however, this was not due to Milly. I tried everything.

I went to bed earlier, I ate less, I walked more, I pondered and pondered and I could not find a reason for this ongoing nausea and feeling of exhaustion. Then it hit me. My breath. 

Each day I meditate and each day I perform Agnihotra . I perform Omkara repeated many times, but what I needed was to pay special attention to my breath. It was time to focus on pranayama with strong attention. I began to mean business where pranayama is concerned.

I streamlined some of my sadhana practises so I had some extra time and energy to focus on pranayama. There is so much we can include in our sadhana (meditation, asana, diet, ethics, thoughts, pranayama to name just a few) and it is easy to 'get stuck' in performing the same components of a sadhana when really we may need to modify or adjust it according to what is going on right now in our whole being experience. So, I needed to bring into focus my breath because this was going to help me understand and overcome my unusual feeling of nausea and exhaustion. I began right away, this is what I did and this is why and here are the results.

During morning meditation I began by simply focussing on my natural breath. Allowing my breathing to be natural and uncontrolled. Allowing my breathing to be and to observe that breath. I actually noticed that both my inhalation and exhalation were short and that my exhalation was limited more so than my inhalation. Next I noticed the rhythm of both my inhalation and exhalation was out of time, it was 'jumpy' rather than smooth. Why would this be and what did this tell me about what was going on?

The flow of my breath combined with the feeling of nausea and exhaustion were signals of stress. Stress? But I'm not stressed. That's what I thought. I meditated on it a bit longer as I went about my day(s) and I kept getting the same answer... stress. After accepting this as possible I had a think about what could be causing this stress. Here is where the need for pranayama really came into play.

I was not breathing properly, fully and in a relaxed way. I was not relaxing enough, I was not experiencing the relaxation response enough.  I had underestimated the energy and attention supervising a one year old and caring for a garden and living off grid (etc) actually took. I knew I needed to take a step back. I knew I needed to calm down. I knew I needed to breath.

So I did.

I began with Nadi Shodhana (alternate nostril breathing) as this is the most effective way to calm and balance all three doshas of the body, it is a highly effective way to reduce stress and anxiety throughout the whole mind/body system. After just a couple of sessions which I simply slipped into my daily morning sadhana practise, I felt much, much better.

It's been about a week and so much has changed. The feelings nausea and exhaustion have finally passed and I have calmed down, relaxed deeply enough for the real reason for my stress to emerge.

Today I sat outside whilst the baby slept and I wrote it out. I uncovered some wonderful answers and I have created an autosuggestion inspired by them.

There was a hurdle there I needed to jump. There was a door there I needed to go through and it began with the feelings of being unwell and it ended with the compiling and (now) implementing of a new autosuggestion. What carried me through? What was the working factor that helped me to calmly and peacefully move through this? Connecting consciously to my breath, putting a focus on pranayama in my sadhana each day.

I can roll back my focus on the breath now because that focus has done it's job. I can meditate a little longer or sing or spend a little more time with my asana. 

Come back to your breath when you need to. Don't forget you have this amazing, amazing tool that is free and there for you. Remember your breath.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Joy comes before love

We are encouraged to be more loving, and to be so will help us to feel happy in/with life. 'Be grateful, be loving, be thankful, be kind this is the way to happiness', but is it? In a chicken and egg scenario, joy actually comes before love.

Unrequited love is a great example of this, we love something or someone and yet if it/they do not love us back. We continue on with our admiration and efforts and whilst the feeling of love may still be there we lose energy, interest and finally effort... next comes a broken heart. For such short periods of time we may have felt happy during the interlude and this feeling of happiness can end up becoming feelings of sadness expressed in many ways; depression, stress, anxiety, worry, anger, tiredness to name a few.

What would happen if rather than seeking love we sought joy? This is something I have been working on, seeking joy directly whilst also becoming aware of causes distress (the opposite) of joy in my life and within myself.

I have found that when I seek to experience joy, I experience happiness and a love for life. Joy is such a light feeling and it lifts you up. When I am filled with joy I want to be generous and kind and understanding and this is loving. So by seeking joy, my heart fills with love.

A joyful love is light and all that it touches is uplifted, including our thoughts and actions. Love however, is not necessarily light and it sometimes fosters light heartedness but not all the time. Joy always fosters light heartedness and light heartedness always brings forth a loving feeling towards life.

We can feel love and yet still feel stress or anxiety or tiredness or stress... but when we feel joy we cannot feel anything but happiness.

Seek joy directly in your life and feelings of love and happiness will follow.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor