An important key in defining a positive you

Being a more positive person, presenting a more positive outlook, thinking positive thoughts and being a positive influence on others is something, I think, everyone wants to be more of, have more of. The other day I remembered something I heard someone say in an interview on the radio. I’m not sure who it was, it was so long ago but it really stuck with me. It was this… rather than define yourself by what you don’t like, believe… define yourself in the positive light of what you do like, believe. Svadhyaya (self-study) is integral part of following a yogic life and defining yourself by what you do believe and like is a great exercise in self-study.

When I focussed upon how I defined what I believed and thought I found that very often I did not do so in a positive light. I began to watch what I shared on social media, how I reacted to what I heard on the radio and what I said to others in conversation. There was no mistaking the fact that quite often I was not defining myself positively by what I did believe in and was in fact defining myself by what I didn’t like or what was wrong rather than right.

I’m not suggesting that we ought to turn a blind eye to suffering in the world, I’m saying that it is far better to define who we are, what we believe in a positive light. Here is a simple example and it has to do with my choosing to be vegan. I could say ‘I’m vegan because I don’t like the way animals suffer’ or I could say, ‘I’m vegan because I feel healthier and I believe in compassion for all beings’. Can you feel that the later has a nice ring to it, it may even inspire the listener to think about being vegan themselves?

To but it simply, negativity is a turn off and it causes others to shut down. Why? Because it harks back to us all wanting more positivity in our lives, not more negativity. When we define ourselves in a positive light, choosing to identify with what we do believe in rather than what we don’t it actually lifts our frequency/energy because it is positive self-talk.

I’m finding it is a fun game, to watch myself and catch myself defining myself by the negative rather than the positive. It is surprising how often I do it too! I’m also noticing that I feel a more buoyant energy around me and life feels lighter and happier as I catch myself and change to a positive definition to replace the negative.

It’s easy to do. Choose to define yourself and how you see the world in a positive light with positive words, positive self-talk.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

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A Snapshot of My Life, and how to be reminded of the good

Here is a photo I took this morning of my garden, I took it whilst watering it, well a small part of it. Today I am having a rare experience, I’m here at home, alone. No husband, no baby. Such space both physically and mentally has allowed me to have a more significant than usual experience of deep thoughts gently rising to the surface in my mind. The thought, or rather, string of thoughts that went to form an idea that paints an extremely cathartic tableau. Let me explain what they were and I ask that you too take a snapshot of your life and do the same. It will help you to connect with your personal strength and spiritual nature.

You’re going to have to keep looking at the picture above for this, I’m going to walk you around.

Starting at the front of the picture, look at what is growing. Beans and nasturtiums intertwined, radish and self-seeded nettle. Overlooking this healthy scene are two metal magpies, purchased last weekend from a trip to see open gardens in Richmond. Separating the garden from the house area is a wire fence, on the other side of that you notice the front wall of the house is blue and against that blue wall is a bbq. Righto that is enough for now. Let me explain how each one of these features shows me just who I am now and how much I have changed in a very positive way.

The garden, I love gardening and it is in my Irish blood and it was in my nana’s too and I have gardened in some way or other my whole life. Over all these years I have acquired many skills and finally I think I am getting there with the relatively recent goal (perhaps 5-7 years old) of mine to grow as much food of my own as possible. I did think it was about being self-reliant and I did think it was about ensuring I had a ready supply of nutrient dense food and I did think it was about some sort of personal biosecurity and it is, but I realise now it is about so much more.

Having a garden that self-seeds, is nutrient dense, supplies a yield and follows permaculture principles does not happen overnight, it takes years to learn how and it takes countless hours to create. Looking at the garden and how healthy and happy the plants are I see reflected in that my ability to be resilient and to push on, to try and try again.

Those recently purchased magpies (aren’t they lovely!) are in our garden because my husband Nick bought them. We went, as a family, on an open gardens day last weekend and he saw that many people had them in their gardens. He saw the little shop where they were sold, made my a local chap. So now we have two of them and four faery wrens. My husband is my second husband and there is no way my first husband would have said ‘hey, tomorrow, let’s go as a family to see the open gardens in Richmond. The money goes to epilepsy Tasmania and I’ll do everything. You just relax and come along. It will be romantic.’ My husband is the most unselfish, loving, giving, patient, thoughtful, hardworking, kind and wise man I know. I, am married to him and we are best friends. When I look at those magpies I see reflected in them my ability to choose a relationship that is truly loving and respectful.  It took years!

The wire fence was built by my husband, yes, the man mentioned above. It is strong and it is well built, it is also ascetically pleasing and it also keeps the cats in the yard. He didn’t just build it, he consulted with me. What do I want and why? Do you want to be able to see through it? How big will the garden bed behind it be? When I look at that fence I see reflected in it my ability to collaborate with someone else and I see that I know what I need to do and what I need to do.

The blue house wall, not just any wall but the front of the house. It is blue! It has a shattered mirror art installation on it, it has cobwebs on it, the sky is often the same colour. When I was a child I was not allowed to alter my environment and certainly, certainly not go around painting the front of the house bright blue. This restriction on self-expression was more than vigilantly imposed. Often it is not easy to externally express one’s inner nature. When everybody else has white walls or brown ones and you were brought up in an environment that is less than liberal your hand can remain stayed on the paintbrush over the bucket of bright blue paint. When I look at that blue wall I am reminded that I am a creative, an artist and that I find deep joy in colour and life and that I am now strong enough to simply be me, regardless of the so called social and family conditioning rules state.

Ah, the bbq, this is a nice one. The bbq was given to us a few weeks ago by a friend who was moving. It is her 40^th this year and she did not want to celebrate. She is the most kind and generous person on the planet, really she is. So, I said to her, if we are to take the bbq you are to have a vegan bbq birthday party at our place with your friends. I’m so looking forward to her and her partner and some of their friends coming to our little home tomorrow to celebrate her 40^th birthday. When I look at that bbq I am reminded that I have some very, very good friends in my life that mirror my own generosity and loyalty of spirit. I am a deeply generous person and I am loving and my friends are this too. I have the most wonderful friends!

In this picture there are so many more reminders of how good my life is and what it took for me to get there. Though as I said at the start, I’ll finish with the bbq. Never doubt that you are not moving forward. Look at a snap shot of your life and be reminded of what your life is and where you are going to bring yourself inspiration!

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

He who burns his bottom must first himself sit on it.

I think we are all quite guilty of suffering some consequences that could have been avoided if only we had been mindful enough to have seen them coming. If we can pause, or tune in or in some way be aware of what the consequences of our actions will be before they are upon us certainly life is easier, healthier and more harmonious. So why oh why don’t we? Because we have not trained ourselves to be ready to pause, to tune in.

Abhyasa is practise, to repeat and repeat and repeat again. It is practise that is aligned with a spiritual goal and the benefit of abhyasa is that it prepares us. I still sometimes wonder at the way in which a stressful situation washes over me. My feeling/experience is definitely more that of a spectator rather than a participant. It washes past me and it is rarely that I feel its wake. This is because of abhyasa.  

When we wait until there is a disturbance in life and then attempt to use the breath to calm ourselves down it does not work unless we have trained our mind, our breath, ourself to deal with stress, or change or dis-ease first. We need to be prepared. In the same way that we avert any bad experience, or lessen the impact of bad experience… such as a picnic by remembering insect repellent, or a hat when going to beach, or a water bottle when going for a bush walk or a warm coat for a winter’s walk. We need to be prepared to avoid or lessen the effects of unpleasant consequences, we need to prepare ourselves to be peaceful.

This is the way to be able to avoid suffering unpleasant consequences, as much as possible. The more we embody calmness, peace, light, understanding and joy we will be carried through our environment and interactions with the world and others around us by their energy. We can’t call upon these beautiful energies and expect for them to come running if we are not first very, very good friends with them. The better we are acquainted with these beautiful energies the faster they can come to our aid. A good friend will come to your aid, to your side, far more quickly than a stranger.

Who are your good friends, who do you spend most of your time with? Is it love, peace and calmness or is it rushing, anger and stress? Whomever you are most acquainted with will come to your aid/side and each create their own consequences. If you are good friends with peace than the consequences of your actions will be peaceful. If you are good friends with stress, than the consequences of your actions will be stressful.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Getting back to breathe

I rarely, rarely feel unwell. The past few weeks though, I have felt unwell. I couldn't work out what was causing the nausea and feeling of exhaustion. Nothing in my life has changed, that is, my diet is as always good, my friendships are good, my marriage is good, my baby is good, I am good. Milly the dog can be a bit of a handful though, however, this was not due to Milly. I tried everything.

I went to bed earlier, I ate less, I walked more, I pondered and pondered and I could not find a reason for this ongoing nausea and feeling of exhaustion. Then it hit me. My breath. 

Each day I meditate and each day I perform Agnihotra . I perform Omkara repeated many times, but what I needed was to pay special attention to my breath. It was time to focus on pranayama with strong attention. I began to mean business where pranayama is concerned.

I streamlined some of my sadhana practises so I had some extra time and energy to focus on pranayama. There is so much we can include in our sadhana (meditation, asana, diet, ethics, thoughts, pranayama to name just a few) and it is easy to 'get stuck' in performing the same components of a sadhana when really we may need to modify or adjust it according to what is going on right now in our whole being experience. So, I needed to bring into focus my breath because this was going to help me understand and overcome my unusual feeling of nausea and exhaustion. I began right away, this is what I did and this is why and here are the results.

During morning meditation I began by simply focussing on my natural breath. Allowing my breathing to be natural and uncontrolled. Allowing my breathing to be and to observe that breath. I actually noticed that both my inhalation and exhalation were short and that my exhalation was limited more so than my inhalation. Next I noticed the rhythm of both my inhalation and exhalation was out of time, it was 'jumpy' rather than smooth. Why would this be and what did this tell me about what was going on?

The flow of my breath combined with the feeling of nausea and exhaustion were signals of stress. Stress? But I'm not stressed. That's what I thought. I meditated on it a bit longer as I went about my day(s) and I kept getting the same answer... stress. After accepting this as possible I had a think about what could be causing this stress. Here is where the need for pranayama really came into play.

I was not breathing properly, fully and in a relaxed way. I was not relaxing enough, I was not experiencing the relaxation response enough.  I had underestimated the energy and attention supervising a one year old and caring for a garden and living off grid (etc) actually took. I knew I needed to take a step back. I knew I needed to calm down. I knew I needed to breath.

So I did.

I began with Nadi Shodhana (alternate nostril breathing) as this is the most effective way to calm and balance all three doshas of the body, it is a highly effective way to reduce stress and anxiety throughout the whole mind/body system. After just a couple of sessions which I simply slipped into my daily morning sadhana practise, I felt much, much better.

It's been about a week and so much has changed. The feelings nausea and exhaustion have finally passed and I have calmed down, relaxed deeply enough for the real reason for my stress to emerge.

Today I sat outside whilst the baby slept and I wrote it out. I uncovered some wonderful answers and I have created an autosuggestion inspired by them.

There was a hurdle there I needed to jump. There was a door there I needed to go through and it began with the feelings of being unwell and it ended with the compiling and (now) implementing of a new autosuggestion. What carried me through? What was the working factor that helped me to calmly and peacefully move through this? Connecting consciously to my breath, putting a focus on pranayama in my sadhana each day.

I can roll back my focus on the breath now because that focus has done it's job. I can meditate a little longer or sing or spend a little more time with my asana. 

Come back to your breath when you need to. Don't forget you have this amazing, amazing tool that is free and there for you. Remember your breath.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Santa and Satya - what's truth got to do with it?

Santa and Satya

It’s an argument that all would agree has two sides, not only that, both sides have some very good points. Do you or don’t go along with the Santa fantasy? Is it damaging to lie to children, what happens when they find out, does a lie that honours the image and persona of a more traditional Santa (as pictured above) make it alright? I don’t know. What I do know about is Satya and that according to Yogic tradition and that great Sage Patangali it is important if we want to rise above our ego and become one with our Higher Self/Divine Mother that we embrace Satya.

Satya is the Sanskrit word for truth. It is one of the five Yamas (in Yoga), things not to do or to restrain yourself from and it means restraint from falsehood and the distorting of one’s reality in word, deed and even thought. Simply put, it means to be honest. Honest in thought and deed, also to be honest with one’s self. We seem to have the habit of moving the goal posts where honesty is concerned. It’s alright to be dishonest in one situation and not for another. When it boils down to it though, honesty is honesty.

We have a one year old daughter, she is too young to believe or disbelieve in Santa though when she is old enough to understand we will not be going along with the Santa hoax. Not because we are Christmas bar-humbugs but because we do not lie. Some people say that the Santa lie is not a bad lie as it is ‘for a good reason’, it makes children happy and brings magic into their lives, it is something to look forward to and well it is simply a beautiful part of childhood. This all may be so, but it does not change the Satya element. Let’s put lying to a child on hold for a minute and look at the consequences of telling a lie, the consequences for the liar.

Every word is a mantra, every word carries a vibration, as does every colour, every thought, every thing and these words have a resounding effect upon the water that we are predominantly made of. If you’d like to learn more about this, and the work of Masaru Emoto click here.

To speak words that are dishonest lowers one’s energy frequency because a lie is of a heavy energy. Loving words, honest words and joyful words and thoughts higher one’s energy frequency because they are light, and bright. Dis-ease of all types manifests in lower energy frequencies. Have you ever felt sick when you are full of joy and feeling happy? I notice that I only feel sick and/or upset when I am not feeling joyful. Health and happiness go hand in hand.

As adults, as parents we are teachers for children. What we teach and how we teach is mostly up to us. If I were to tell lies to our daughter, even if I preface them with ‘it’s for a good reason’ what am I teaching her?

I want her to have energy of the highest vibration possible. I want her to resonate truth and joy and I want her to be healthy and happy. To be so she needs to hear and speak the truth and for that to happen I embrace Satya.

Does Satya mean we go about telling the ‘truth’ as we see it whenever and wherever we see fit? No. This goes against Ahimsa, non-violence, not to injure. We tell the truth as we can when/where it will not cause hurt. When we tell a lie, the Santa lie, we start a ball rolling, a pretence we need to keep up.

Santa and Satya, consider the two together and see what you come up with.

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor 

Falling in love with the life you have

Confession time. I have spent most of my life working hard to create a different life to what I have. Always looking outwards and coming up with what I need more or less of in my life so it could be a life that I would love. The perfect life for me. A life with more time for this or that, a life where I am always happy, a life full of joy because it is the perfect life. In this perfect life I am perfect. I have worked hard on myself to make it so and if life is not perfect than clearly it is my fault. I know now that this is a bit like a donkey trying to get a carrot that is hanging from a stick, just out of reach.

I'm not sure how it happened but I fell in love with the life I have and that is because I fell in love with who I am right now, RIGHT NOW. I have a suspicion that the course of flower essences I have been on have tipped things over the edge, as they do, and this is the shift that has happened. 

I have in fact been suffering from 'farmer's curse', that's what my neighbour calls it. You probably suffer from it to. Do you recognise these symptoms? Other people come to your garden and home and comment on how beautiful it all is and all you can see are all the jobs that need doing. Because once those jobs are done, THEN things will be beautiful. That may be the case,it also doesn't prevent you from loving what is, because you love yourself as you are RIGHT NOW.

That is how I have been (I hope) cured of farmer's curse. I see all those jobs (especially and including the jobs pertaining to my personal development) but they aren't so noisy, they are just there and they are a part of the life I live and am madly in love with. We hear it all the time, love what is, love your life. How can we do that though?

The secret (thanks flower essences) is to love the jobs too, to love the 'imperfections'. It means to no longer be bullied by 'how you can be better' and the jobs you need to do.

I look at all the things that are 'getting there' absolutely including aspects of my character and love them for where they are at, they are like a child growing, they are at a stage of growth and I don't need to hurry it all along. I attend to things with love and when I feel the joy of doing evaporate, I move on to the next thing.  Just like planting a seed, watering it and leaving it do its thing. Tending it when necessary, leaving it alone when necessary.

I have realised that the feeling of being in a rush is perhaps the most destructive thing (for my) peace of mind. I also realise that it is me (for the most part) that causes the rush. To be relaxed is most important. When we are relaxed our prana (life force energy can flow) and our body fills with ojas (bliss) and we are dis-ease free. I'm so tired of rushing myself, I'm not doing it anymore.

I think that maybe, just maybe I 'have it' this time because yesterday the baby went to sleep in the afternoon and I thought about writing and then I realised I needed to nap. So, I had a sleep instead.

When I woke, all the things I want to do were smiling at me and I felt so very madly in love with my life and myself. 

Theresa Daley is a Mindfulness Mentor and Spiritual Counsellor