Confession time. I have spent most of my life working hard to create a different life to what I have. Always looking outwards and coming up with what I need more or less of in my life so it could be a life that I would love. The perfect life for me. A life with more time for this or that, a life where I am always happy, a life full of joy because it is the perfect life. In this perfect life I am perfect. I have worked hard on myself to make it so and if life is not perfect than clearly it is my fault. I know now that this is a bit like a donkey trying to get a carrot that is hanging from a stick, just out of reach.
I'm not sure how it happened but I fell in love with the life I have and that is because I fell in love with who I am right now, RIGHT NOW. I have a suspicion that the course of flower essences I have been on have tipped things over the edge, as they do, and this is the shift that has happened.
I have in fact been suffering from 'farmer's curse', that's what my neighbour calls it. You probably suffer from it to. Do you recognise these symptoms? Other people come to your garden and home and comment on how beautiful it all is and all you can see are all the jobs that need doing. Because once those jobs are done, THEN things will be beautiful. That may be the case,it also doesn't prevent you from loving what is, because you love yourself as you are RIGHT NOW.
That is how I have been (I hope) cured of farmer's curse. I see all those jobs (especially and including the jobs pertaining to my personal development) but they aren't so noisy, they are just there and they are a part of the life I live and am madly in love with. We hear it all the time, love what is, love your life. How can we do that though?
The secret (thanks flower essences) is to love the jobs too, to love the 'imperfections'. It means to no longer be bullied by 'how you can be better' and the jobs you need to do.
I look at all the things that are 'getting there' absolutely including aspects of my character and love them for where they are at, they are like a child growing, they are at a stage of growth and I don't need to hurry it all along. I attend to things with love and when I feel the joy of doing evaporate, I move on to the next thing. Just like planting a seed, watering it and leaving it do its thing. Tending it when necessary, leaving it alone when necessary.
I have realised that the feeling of being in a rush is perhaps the most destructive thing (for my) peace of mind. I also realise that it is me (for the most part) that causes the rush. To be relaxed is most important. When we are relaxed our prana (life force energy can flow) and our body fills with ojas (bliss) and we are dis-ease free. I'm so tired of rushing myself, I'm not doing it anymore.
I think that maybe, just maybe I 'have it' this time because yesterday the baby went to sleep in the afternoon and I thought about writing and then I realised I needed to nap. So, I had a sleep instead.
When I woke, all the things I want to do were smiling at me and I felt so very madly in love with my life and myself.
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